It’s the eve of my fifth wedding anniversary.  I like to begin some mental preparation in advance of the actual date because every year I create little secret amendments to our wedding vows.

This year I’m wondering why we didn’t rewrite the originals to swap out “from death to us part” or “cherish and obey” to “I will make every effort to initiate exciting and surprising sex until we can no longer physically have sex.”  Or   “When I feel a relationship rut coming on, I will use this an opportunity to deepen intimacy between us in some cost effective, yet lovely way.”

I know it’s a total boner-killer to announce that these are the new relationship objectives and then demand my husband do his bit to meet them. (sometimes it would be so much easier if  my marriage was much less democratic)  But it’s also foolish to think that I can get anywhere without his buy in.  I also notice that I’ve got to renew my own spiciness before I can bring it into the bedroom (or the shower, or the kitchen table).

For these sorts of things feng shui is the most useful tool I’ve found so far.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, feng shui is the ancient Chinese art of placement.  Although I’ve noted that every culture has their own form, I believe feng shui is the only formalized, widely practiced version… Please, tell me if I’m wrong.

Anyhow, it basically operates on the idea that our homes are a direct metaphor of our internal landscapes.  For this reason, changes made to our living spaces, impact our energy, feelings and attitudes, which then attracts things, opportunities and people who reflect back your own energy, feelings and attitudes. Basically, it’s a very powerful tool for manifesting.

bagua-map

Bagua Map

All you have to do is lay this Bagua Map over your floor plan.  Line it up so your front door opens into Knowledge, Career or Travel.  Then choose one or two areas you’d like to improve.

First, I look at what’s there and how it makes me feel to look at it or be in the space.  Then I make an objective assessment if this is an accurate reflection of the quality of my experiences in that area.

For an example:  This is what my relationship corner looks like this morning.  It used to have our pee-stained couch in it, but we had it taken away and now the space is filled with this nearly-broken lamp and an assortment of kid’s toys.  Next to the basket of toys, is a table which houses our cable box and iTV.

IMG_2557

Can you detect a problem here?

IMG_2552 (1)

Looks like Charlie Brown’s lamp — and I’m certain that guy wasn’t getting any action.

So clearly there are some issues.

Now, I’ve got to create a space in my relationship area that makes me feel the same quality of energy I want to create in that area of my life.

It is also possible to fuck this part up.    Alice called me over to her place a few weeks ago. She was feeling intensely frustrated by the men she was currently dating.  “They either put me up on some insane pedestal and then get all pissed off when I turn out to be human or they are just super immature. It’s like they’re looking for someone to look after and mother them.”

Alice had three framed pieces of art work hanging over a single arm chair.

When I asked her how the paintings made her feel, she said, “Sad and lonely, but they’re so beautiful. I just love them.”

Turns this is exactly how she felt about the men she’d chosen.

My space feels neglected and pieced together, but it is in transition.  So I’ll keep you posted.

What’s in your relationship corner?  Is it an accurate metaphor?